Empire State of Julie ?

I've been seriously living the lifestyle of a Vampire, well just their time schedule.

Kanye West - Through the Wire is playing.. just listen.

You see, I know I'm different. I didn't need someone to tell me that I was, I know I am. Everyone is their own person, but not everyone is really doing their part in keeping that theory alive. I am. People tend to say that I'm self-conscious; No, I just have really low-self esteem. It is something I haven't overcome yet, not really planning on working on it for the time being either. Pointless. Conceited is beyond the border-line of something else, I'm not that. Weird is more likely to be the word that would come out of someone's mouth about me, and I'd just take it, put it in my pocket with a big fat braced out bucked teeth smile.. yeah, Thank you, dude. I definitely have No Shame; None What So Ever. Got a dare? Try me. I'm a little wuss when it comes to Roaches but shoot, try me anyways, haha. My body is mine, I love it.. although I am lacking the chest area; I am so okay with it. It shouldn't even matter but hey, some people prefer it. *shrugs, oh well. I have none, hah. My legs are my favorite, I love to wear it out.. get it? Nevermind, probably not. I have a really deep voice? Which is pretty ...much of a way to make me a target when it comes to cracking jokes? Yeah, I am 9 of 10, the subject of every joke, jeez. I have beauty marks on my upper torso ("my chest."). By "Beauty Marks," I am really referring to stretch marks. I honestly believe that they're not ugly, it's apart of life, it is apart of giving birth to your future. I didn't develope any anywhere else on my body due to my pregnancy but it's fine; on the upper torso is fine, plus.. theres nothing there anyways, ha. My Baby loves his Momma for who she is. I will admitt; I highly doubt I'll ever be rewarded a "Best Mommy Award" but at least I'm trying to do my best for my son. He's my Night & Day. ..I am who I am, deal with it.. or keep it moving.

Just A Thought

So it's 6:07 in the a.m. and I am still awake after coming home from partying with my cousins and the people of Hickory, N.C. Why Am I Not Tired..? I wish I knew the answer myself. I've been living the lifestyle (timewise) of a Vampire for a couple weeks now. I know it's unhealthy but it just happens. I so really need to fix that..

(Now playing on YouTube.com : Mariah Carey - My All.)

I had a blast with my cousins. I told myself that I was going to have so much fun this Saturday, that I will be gentle & all happiness. I refuse to not have fun. I really did have so much fun. My cousin's babymomma, Ee Baby is freaken hilarious. She had me cracking up all got damn night. I seriously love her with my life. She's officially my dance monkey (haha, we gets down!). I definitely had a blast with my cousin Loan also. She's an awesome person, I am definitely going to miss her so much when I leave back to the city of brotherly love, Philadelphia. My cousin Sang (Ee Baby's babydaddy) is the freaken best, he's so cool to me, haha. Kevin didn't really talk to me much at the party but it's cool, I still love him so much; a lot has definitely transitions to something else.. something not like it used to be. Bao was definitely a cutie tonight, he was just on his chill but still.. I was definitely loving his outfit (kudos, cuz.) Everyone else was chillen. No Fights, yess. I definitely got it in today dancing with Ee Baby. We definitely wasn't playing, haha well we were but we had a ball doing it. Jerking, Rejecting, Dipping, Dropping, Twerking, Jump styling, lol.. well we tried, at least. LOL, Mind you, we both had 4-5 inch heels on, and we're both about only 5'1 tall, haha. Shorties :). Jack in the Box was awesome too, I love it.. my Jumbo Jack Combo with Curly fries & a Coke :) I diggs it. haha. We got in pretty early today, before 2 in the a.m., and it's been about over 4 hours and I'm still up. (I was cleaning Loan's room a bit, don't want to leave it a mess when I leave :( and talking to Trinhidad, Kimmay, Kewan, & Such.). I'm going to miss it all so much..miss them all so much..


I just wanted to do a recap on the night :) But my "Just A Thought" is just about to start now..

I realized that I really don't trust Dudes, man. I really don't. The feeling of being used. It's also abusive towards any relationship but I don't think everyone knows this, but it is true. Real Talk. I have boulders up. There is a person who is making me laugh constantly but all of that can change within a snap or a blink of an eye. You can't ever be too sure. I know I'm not. My guard will never be let down.. Trust that.

Thank you Ralpheal Santayana, You're my inspiration.